Monday, October 27, 2008

Lab Results for "Dark Spot" on Blanton's Cap Are In...

Tampa Bay Ray's Manager and local Hazelton god, Joe Maddon, asked MLB officials to confiscate Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton's baseball cap immediately after last night's Game 4 of the World Series. Blanton pitched well through 7 innings and seemed to confound the majority of the Rays' hitters. During the third inning, Maddon's brother John called Joe on his personal cell phone and exclaimed that due to his Hi-Def feed and 1080 i flat screen television, he could see a mysterious substance on Blanton's brim. The hat was bagged and sent to a third party laboratory, where technicians worked through the night to discover the molecular makeup of the spot and test it for any possible illegal substance. The results were delivered to MLB commissioner Bud Selig's hotel room this morning via Liberties Parcel. He states, "Aside from the results being revoltingly disgusting, there were no illegal substances found and I absolve both Joe Blanton and the Phillies organization of any wrong doing." A piece by piece break down of the lab results follows just below..


5 comments:

Mr.Tug said...

Hilarious!

Jeffrey said...

Huh. I expected more Cheez Whiz.

Chaboy said...

It's spelled HazLEton. Or was that misspelling just supposed to be part of the hilarity?

Anonymous said...

I would've thought there be more of Jamie Moyer's diarrhea.

http://deadspin.com/5068998/jamie-moyer-was-sick-last-night-in-a-very-literal-way

B. Hold said...

Shouldn't poo and cheez whiz be in the same category?