Philly Strip Clubs Spoof World Series Promotion Offering "Free Pink Taco..."

Taco Bell is running a World Series promotion giving out free tacos today, Oct. the 28th, thanks in part to the base stealing abilities of Tampa Bay's Jason Bartlett. Between the hours of 2 and 6pm, for one day only, patrons can enter any Taco Bell across the country and receive their free taco. A few local Phialdelphia strip clubs have taken this idea and run with it in a complete opposite (and much more enticing) direction. DayDreams, Cheerleaders, Show n' Tell, and other particpating clubs will open tonight at 10pm with free admission and one complimentary lap dance for males wearing a Phillies jersey as part of their "Free Pink Taco" promotion.

Break-in Turned Suicide Baffles Local Authorities

What was once labeled a routine breaking and entering by Philadelphia Police is now being called an apparent suicide. Authorities responded to a 911 call reporting a break-in at the Topps Meat Co. packing plant in South Philadelphia, finding a large hole in the roof above most of the machinery. The only problem with the theory of the plant being burglarized: there was nothing missing.

Officer Tan Chu was on duty at the scene and stated, "Aside from the hole and the discovery of a size 11 hi-top Nike sneaker, we found nothing to determine that this was a break-in." Shortly after interviewing the officer, we noted a distraught woman talking with police about another unrelated matter. Or so we thought.

"I returned home from my late shift and found this letter by an open window," stated Lynn Goleg, a nurse who lives in the LongView apartments next door to the packing plant. Police believe her son, Arthur, wrote a suicide letter shortly before stepping out the window of their apartment on the 16th floor, falling to his death. Arthur wears size 11 Nike hi-tops.

What's baffling about this particular case is that no one can seem to find Arthur's body. "There's tons of vats of meat, pipes, machinery with blades and plastic wrap for us to go through," adds Chu. The morning cleaning crew discovered the hole in the ceiling before making the call, and the plant is self automated. This leaves an open window of 6 hours between the suicide and the discovery of the hole. Head foreman, Stu Benson says, "The plant runs on its own and the only human interaction overnight is the meat being loaded by hand into tractor trailers and shipped out."

If you have any information as to the whereabouts of Arthur Goleg, please contact local authorities.

Tensions Escalate Within Philadelphia Blogosphere

In a press conference earlier today, Philadelphia District Attorney Lynne Abraham said the Philadelphia Police Department will be creating a Blog Crime Task Force after recent threats were made in what Abraham is calling "the Philadelphia blogosphere."

"Without going into specifics we were tipped off to a threat made from one blog to another and we're going to try to cut this off before it escalates further," said Abraham. "We're taking this very seriously, because we know people who sit behind computers all day can be very unstable."

Abraham said it became apparent measures needed to be taken when a blogger for website The Fightins, who goes by the name "Chamomiles Davis," commented on the fantastic up-and-coming website The Phunyun by saying, "Good site over here, boys. Be a shame if anything was to... 'happen' to it."

Scooter Delano Murphy, sportswriter for The Phunyun said he was very intimidated by the comment. "I'm 82 years old and I don't even know what a blob or a blobosphere is," he said. "But I tell you what, I'll knock that guy's dick in the dirt, and I'm 82 years old."

Abraham said the new task force will focus on sites like Phillyist, Philebrity and The 700 Level, but police will also be monitoring lesser known blogs.

"It's like everyday there's a new one that pops up, who's reading this stuff?" asked Abraham. "Next thing you know they'll have a blog that just completely makes up stories. That'll be the day."

Larry Mendte Might Know Your MySpace Password

Authorities are asking all those with MySpace/Facebook or e-mail accounts to change their passwords in the aftermath of the recent Larry Mednte scandal. If evidence is to be believed, the former CBS3 newscaster accessed his fellow co-anchor Alycia Lane's Yahoo e-mail account 537 times over the span of 146 days. Using a small keystroke-logging device and his ninja like skill, Mendte easily obtained Lane's password and began his personal investigation, perhaps in search of those Rich Eisen bikini shots.

Social networking website users who have recently logged into their accounts only to hear that they've un-knowningly sent fellow users messages about "free ring tones" or "hott web graphix" should contact authorities immediately. Their password has more than likely been "mend-teed" and can no longer be trusted.

Obese Man Clogs Franklin Institute's Giant Heart

Visitors looking to enter the iconic Giant Heart exhibit at The Franklin Institute were turned away today when an obese man became stuck inside the model walk-thru heart.

At 2 p.m. Tuesday, Philadelphia police and fire department were called to the science museum to assist in the removal of a 400 pound man from the heart exhibit located on the building's second floor. Upon entering The Joy and George Rathmann Hall of Science, police officer Erik Stevens said he was shocked by what he saw.

"I remember coming here as a kid and seeing the heart so I know what it's supposed to look like," said Stevens. "But this was amazing because the one part was all bulged out from the size of the guy inside."

Witnesses of the event said the man inside the heart, 42-year-old Michael McConnell of St. Louis, Missouri, entered with a group of tourists who encouraged him to stay out.

"I had just gone through [the heart] before that guy went in and I was saying to my boyfriend that the walkways and steps were so narrow," said Alisha Harrison of Port Richmond who was visiting the museum for the first time. "When I saw him go in I seriously said to myself, 'I bet he gets stuck,' and sure enough he did."

Firefighters initially planned to remove McConnell by cutting into the heart's upper chamber, but were concerned the incision would cause irreparable damage to the 54 year old heart, which underwent renovations in 2004. Instead, firefighters inserted a large tube filled with compressed air which expanded a portion of the heart allowing McConnell to pass through.

The irony of the entire event was not lost on museum curator Steven Jacobs who said a height and weight restriction for the heart may be enforced in the future.

"Look, if this isn't a metaphor for what's happening in this country then nothing is," said Jacobs. "For god's sake, a fat man clogged a giant heart, what more do do I need to say? I'm just glad we don't have a giant liver because I don't want to know the things that would go on in there."

McConnell was taken to Hahnemann University Hospital‎ where he is listed in stable condition.

The Giant Heart is listed in fair condition and Jacobs says the exhibit will reopen to the public following a recovery period.

"We'll probably start slowly and just see how it goes, but I expect the heart to be up and running in about three months."