Corp. Sponsors Follow Eagles Lead, Give Vick "2nd Chance"

In April of 2007, then Atlanta quarterbacking runner, Michael Vick, was convicted of felony charges for his involvement in a large unlawful interstate dog fighting ring. He was sentenced to 2 years of prison time, was indefinitely suspended by the National Footballing League, lost all his corporate sponsors and had to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. He lost everything. One of those sponsors was Vicks Chemical Group, makers of numerous health products including the world famous "Vicks Vapo Rub." CEO of Procter & Gamble, William Suitsky stated, "It was a win win situation. He did amazing things on the field... we did amazing things on your chest, but he blew it."

Suitsky demanded his marketing team remove Vick from all promotional materials, including displays and the bottles of rub themselves. He even went as far as removing the name Vicks from the label, something that had been around since 1890. He states, "To be honest, it hurt business. Nobody wants to just buy Bob's Vapo Rub... they want Vicks."

Meanwhile, Vick completed his prison sentence and was re-instated into the league by commissioner Roger Goodell in July, where he was promptly signed to a 1 year deal with the Philadelphia Eagles. Head play coach, Andy Reid fought hard and long to convince owner Jeffery Lurie to sign Vick. Reid stated, "Everyone deserves to get seconds..."

When asked how the partnership between number wearing 7 and Procter & Gamble was revisited, Suitsky replied, "It all started with a phone call." Former Horse Colts head play coach Tony Dungy contacted the corporation and told them that Michael Vick was a changed man. "Mr. Dungy was pretty adamant about Michael seeing the error of his ways. I have a hard time trusting black people, but I'm willing to give Mr. Vick a second chance." When told that Tony Dungy was also black, Suitsky responded by laughing hysterically.

Calls were made to all of Vick's former sponsors, including Nike, EA Sports, Coca-Cola and Hasbro with a response of "no comment."

Notes: Michael Vick will be eligible for football play by Week 6 of the Eagles game season at the latest. He can participate in all practices and meetings, and the final two preseason footballing games. Vick is more known for his ability to speed run and less for his ability to arm throw football passes.

Lab Results for "Dark Spot" on Blanton's Cap Are In...

Tampa Bay Ray's Manager and local Hazelton god, Joe Maddon, asked MLB officials to confiscate Phillies pitcher Joe Blanton's baseball cap immediately after last night's Game 4 of the World Series. Blanton pitched well through 7 innings and seemed to confound the majority of the Rays' hitters. During the third inning, Maddon's brother John called Joe on his personal cell phone and exclaimed that due to his Hi-Def feed and 1080 i flat screen television, he could see a mysterious substance on Blanton's brim. The hat was bagged and sent to a third party laboratory, where technicians worked through the night to discover the molecular makeup of the spot and test it for any possible illegal substance. The results were delivered to MLB commissioner Bud Selig's hotel room this morning via Liberties Parcel. He states, "Aside from the results being revoltingly disgusting, there were no illegal substances found and I absolve both Joe Blanton and the Phillies organization of any wrong doing." A piece by piece break down of the lab results follows just below..

Shane Victorino's Little Brother Arrested by Dog the Bounty Hunter.

The Phillies extended family has received yet another blow in the days leading up to their first World Series appearence since 1993. Just days after head coach Charlie Manuel lost his mother, Phillies centerfielder Shane Victorino received word that his little brother, Mau-hulo, had been apprehended by television star and bounty hunter, Duane Champman. Mau-hulo Victorino was sought after repeatedly missing court appearances before Hawaiin judges and was handed over to authorities by Dog and company early this morning. The world's most famous hunter of men said, "He's a good kid that just went in the wrong direction. He's going to jail, but things could be worse... he could be dating a black girl."

As if Victorino didn't have enough to worry about with the impending series, Shane must attend the funeral of his grandmother who just recently passed away. When asked if this would affect his performance on the field, Victorino stated, "No questions asked," before boarding a plane for his home island of Maui.

Hello From Lehigh: Eagles Training Camp Day 10

The players (and this particular writer) cheered a collective, "Yay" before the start of training Eagles camp practice drills at Lehigh University, after the morning session was canceled due to a water main break. Eagles backing up quarterback, Kevin Kolb, used this extra time to sleep in. I used the break in the football playing to visit the main campus book store. The traffic was light due to many students being away on summer break and one employee stated that the majority of players cannot read.

I picked up the newest Giada De Laurentiis pasta cook book and headed to the checkout counter when something caught my eye. Local artist Martin Slamon has published a new illustrated book from Scholastic entitled "Where' Shawn Andrews Now?"

Readers must search for Shawn as he hides among thousands of people in various Philadelphia locales, including the Italian Market and Rittenhouse Square. Also hidden throughout the book are various items the number 73 is known to carry: like his cell phone, a ham sandwich, and a snake necklace he left at one of his girlfriends houses.

Andrews, an all-star offensive lineman, who's job it is to protect the number 5 from being placed on the ground by an opposing player, has been missing from Eagles practice training meeting football camp for unknown reasons.

"Where' Shawn Andrews Now?" can be purchased through digidigidigi via PayPal.

Tight Ends: Rookie safety Quintin Demps joined cornerbacks Lito Sheppard and Asante Samuel on the Injury Hurting list... Brian Dawkins handed out FREE Touchdown Sundaes from Turkey Hill and he scared me... Andy Reid's mustache is red with little bits of gold in it.

Tensions Escalate Within Philadelphia Blogosphere

In a press conference earlier today, Philadelphia District Attorney Lynne Abraham said the Philadelphia Police Department will be creating a Blog Crime Task Force after recent threats were made in what Abraham is calling "the Philadelphia blogosphere."

"Without going into specifics we were tipped off to a threat made from one blog to another and we're going to try to cut this off before it escalates further," said Abraham. "We're taking this very seriously, because we know people who sit behind computers all day can be very unstable."

Abraham said it became apparent measures needed to be taken when a blogger for website The Fightins, who goes by the name "Chamomiles Davis," commented on the fantastic up-and-coming website The Phunyun by saying, "Good site over here, boys. Be a shame if anything was to... 'happen' to it."

Scooter Delano Murphy, sportswriter for The Phunyun said he was very intimidated by the comment. "I'm 82 years old and I don't even know what a blob or a blobosphere is," he said. "But I tell you what, I'll knock that guy's dick in the dirt, and I'm 82 years old."

Abraham said the new task force will focus on sites like Phillyist, Philebrity and The 700 Level, but police will also be monitoring lesser known blogs.

"It's like everyday there's a new one that pops up, who's reading this stuff?" asked Abraham. "Next thing you know they'll have a blog that just completely makes up stories. That'll be the day."