Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Rittenhouse Homeless Disappear, Are Delicious

Philadelphia residents who frequent Rittenhouse Square have recently noticed a drop in the amount of homeless residing in the area and sleeping on various park benches. The city attributes the drop in more frequent patrolling of the area by police, but a Phunyun investigative report finds that the drop in homeless may have a more sinister explanation.

Until recently, an early morning stroll around Rittenhouse Square would find upwards of 30 homeless men and women sleeping on benches and bathing in a fountain. But that same stroll on Tuesday found only a handful of Philadelphia's homeless could be found, and the ones that remained admit they are scared of what's happening.

"It's like everyone's just disappearing, which is kind of good 'cause plenty of benches for me," said "John" a 34-year-old homeless man originally from Boise, Idaho.

But a 2 hour investigation by The Phunyun has discovered that the homeless may indeed be disappearing ... into the bellies of Philadelphia's hungry elite.

Just two weeks ago Steven Starr opened his most recent Philadelphia restaurant, Parc, in Rittenhouse Square, an opening that coincides with the disappearance of Rittenhouse Square's homeless. A source close to the restaurant's opening who requested anonymity says rising food prices have caused the Starr restaurant to seek food sources elsewhere.

"When you've got meat prices as high as they are it's time to look a little outside the box," said the source. "And so maybe a homeless person disappears and ends up on someone's dinner plate, so what?"

Last night Parc was packed as usual and a quick scan of the restaurant's menu found one odd and very popular item: Soy Lent with Greens. Parc Maitre De, Shawn Christopher, said it's an item the restaurant can barely keep on hand.

"I've never seen anything like it anywhere else I've worked, usually by around 9 o'clock we're all out of it," said Christopher. "I don't know what it is exactly but it's delish and you can say Soy Lent with Greens is people ... I mean popular."

Steven Starr could not be reached for comment at press time.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, and chinesse resturants use dogs for chicken. get a clue.

Anonymous said...

Oh you're going to try to tell me it's just a coincidence that chinese restaurants are in shopping centers with pet stores and veteranarians? I think not!

Anonymous said...

This is an outrage! I nearly lost my lunch reading this I'm so upset. I love Starrs restaurants! sacrilege! I know for a fact he would not put human on the menu without letting us know what cut of meat we are eating. He would never pass a piece of flabby old man breast meat off for a delicious firm buttocks in gravy! Screw you Phunyuns!