Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Skate-boarder Style May Hurt, In the Pants

Men... Men... Men. There's nothing I like seeing more than a hot male doing his thing in the tightest clothes possible. Within the skating and rocking community, the tight legged, tight butt'd, well... tight everything pant/jean has been all the rage. And who am I to complain? Well I'm Alessa the Great, and complaining is what I do best, child.

There's a reason the good lord made your "equipment" hang lower than the rest of your body. I have a very diverse understanding of the male anatomy, and it didn't take a google search or a wiki-what-have-you to realize that you're killing the future. Sure you look great in those pants, flipping your board this way and that. And far be it from me to haggle over the fact that I personally couldn't fit my arm in one of your pant legs, let alone the rest of what God gave me below the belt.

I propose that we use the comment section of this very post to help brainstorm and find a solution to hipster pant related infertility.

6 comments:

fidgets said...

i have two words for you. zoobas pants motherfucker. wave of the future.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to name my first kid "Ollie" in honor of all the boarders who can't pro-create.

Charles W. McCarther said...

Perhaps the 1st question we should ask ourselves is why would we want to stop this phenomenon from occurring? Hipsters, as we all know, are only valued at 84% a normal human being (which is still a full 17% more than ravers and 26% more than hippies).

Now we have to realize that this isn't an unnatural phenomenon, but rather a phase of nature. As Darwin penned many years with his theory of natural selection the weak shall perish while the strong will survive, therefore better the species.

Anonymous said...

I wore those jeans to thanksgiving dinner last fall, and my grammy kept asking me what I had in my pocket.

It was todally embarrassing.

Alessa Winterthur said...

Ya'llz crazy.

Rico Savage said...

I like wearing my jeans tight so I can shows off the roll of quarters I'm packing.